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Really chitlins, why the hell do you think tapas got so popular? It's because everyone remembers their favorite part of aunt Sophie's wedding. The cocktail hour. Yesindeedeee. We are an appetizer mongering people, and proud of it.

My love of little-bites started way back in my baby Rossi years when I pushed aside that jar of sweet potato puree' and demanded a slice of sweet potato with a squirt of sour cream on top and, oh some chive garnish would be nice too, Mom. Then it was on to cookie cutter PB&J sandwiches for the whole gang and my ever-popular mini-pizza bagels.

Yes darlings, I knew even then that I was destined to feed the world one mouthful at a time -- and so can you.

I mean really, love-muffins, forget about aching and groaning over pasta, meat loaf, mashed potatoes... Whatever. Make a whole batch of hors d'oeuvres, then invite over a gang of friends, crank up the tunes and party!

Hey! It's called life and you're supposed to live it!

Jeez! I just don't know what happened to all you Generation X's and Y's. I mean, at least the baby-boomers knew how to rebel. Well alright, maybe they turned around five seconds later and became yuppies, which pretty much means they became the poster children for exactly what they were rebelling against but, hey, at least they got one good decade of full-scale rebellion in there somewhere.

Oh now where was I! Hmmm... Oh yeah, hors d'oeuvres. Here they are... Now leave me alone, I've got a headache.

Geeez! Talking ya'll into getting down is just wearing me out. Somebody bring the ol' girl a hot water bottle... OYYY!

Grilled Chicken and Artichoke Brochettes
Make a marinade out of a few dashes each of soy sauce and balsamic vinegar, seasoned with dried thyme, minced garlic and ground pepper. Marinate boneless chicken in this overnight. The next day, grill or pan sear chicken, then cut into cubes and stick on a bamboo skewer with a slice of artichoke heart on top. Serve with either olive tapendae, roasted pepper puree, sundried tomato purree, or your favorite barbecue sauce.

Negamaki
Have your butcher butterfly and pound flat a couple pounds of beef filet. Each piece of beef should be about 4 oz. Season beef with salt and black pepper. Fill each piece of beef with two scallions, roll beef around scallion and wrap tightly. Secure with a skewer or toothpick and marinate in a mixture of dark soy sauce, rice wine vinegar and vegetable oil -- equal parts of each. Marinate for two hours. To cook, either grill or broil until well seared on the outside. The inside should stay at least medium rare. Let cool. Put in the fridge. When ready to serve, slice on an angle into roulades about 3/4 inch thick. Serve cold as an hors d'oeuvre with tamari sauce.

Swordfish Kabobs (when not endangered)
Cut swordfish into cubes and marinate in enough fresh lemon juice marinade to cover. This should be proportion wise, the juice of two lemons to six tablespoons of olive oil, seasoned with paprika and salt and pepper. Marinate for up to two hours and then thread on skewers and grill. If you use wooden skewers, soak them in water first. Re-season the kabobs and garnish with fresh parsley and lemon zest. Serve with tar tar sauce or whatever you like on your swordfish.

Well my bodacious biscuits, there ya' have it once again, you and me against the world. Tain't it grand?! Ahhh, together we shall conquer the universe one chew at a time. But until then, stop hogging the covers and turn that damn television down. I need my beauty sleep... @$$%#$. Oyyy.